The Narrative of Kurt & Becky

I’ve been thinking about character often lately. Let’s start with the definition. That’s usually a good jumping off point.

Merriam Webster defines it as:  -one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual -the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person, group, or nation -main or essential nature especially as strongly marked and serving to distinguish -moral excellence and firmness

According to CharacterCounts.org there are Six Pillars of Character – Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, Citizenship.

As a Christian, I’ve heard the term “the character of Christ” spoken often. He pretty much had the most righteous character of all time.

What about my character? What about yours?

Why is it that character is built into children, purposefully by parents, schoolteachers, churches but it just has to HAPPEN to adults?

For example, as a child everyone is trying to instill in you those six pillars (Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, Citizenship). Children are taught lessons on the values of those things. They are faced with the consequences of not being a good citizen or not being respectful.

Adults are often times the ones who need these lessons. For example, people in the service industry should be treated with respect and fairness. Just because hey are a waiter or a cashier does not entitle one to be a jerk to them. AND The other drivers on the road are people with live and families; they are not just cars with faceless drivers.  People sometimes are in such a hurry in lines that they do not consider anyone else but their own needs or desires. They cheat in the express lane or cut in line in front of you. I’m sure we could all think of a million different peeves or problems where a dose of integrity and respect would be helpful.

I certainly know I am guilty of showing the a lack of character sometimes. As a Christian, I am called to distinguish myself by displaying attributes of mental/ethical traits with moral excellence and firmness. What I mean to say is. Christians are called to be different. NOT to be PERFECT. That’s impossible. I will never be perfect. We will fail to even TRY to be perfect.

What I will do: Not put myself first. Treat others how I would want to be treated. Build my character myself rather than letting it just happen to me.

“You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.” -Henry David Thoreau

I encourage you to think about your character. How can you develop yours? Not sure? Well pick an area and go for it.

Just a few items below will update you on us. Enjoy.

~Effective 7 March 2010, Peter is 8 months old. Wow. He’s done so much in the past 8 months. He is a few months away from being 1 year old. But the next few months bring new challenges, exciting milestones and just plain baby stuff.

~Lately, Peter and I have done lotsa walking. I am eating right (meaning, no sweets). I did HAVE TO have a Shamrock shake the other night though. I had a small one though and I savored it because I won’t have another shake for quite a while. Believe me, I di not want to go to McDonalds, neither did Kurt. But we had to. The Shamrock shake beckoned us.

~Kurt and Peter have gotten some baby & Daddy time on the the evenings when I go to Hoag to work. I think it is great for them both and for me. It affects each of us in different ways but it all winds up being good for us all.

~Kurt and I gave Peter an AWFUL gift for turning 8 months old…… a COLD. His very first illness. It was (and still is) horrible to see him sick. I hate it. His rosy cheeks are pretty cute but I’d prefer my healthy baby. Oh and he makes this weird squeaky noise on demand with his nose/throat that is pretty awesome. Baby sneezes are cute too; but the snot that accompanies the sneeze is not.

~We’ve scheduled the surgery for Peter. I don’t really want to say when or where because this is the internet. (Stranger danger! But let me just say: It is before he turns 12 months.) I’ll mention this on facebook as the time gets closer so true friends can have more details.

Please pray for peace of mind for us until then. While we are glad to have this “end in sight” (for one of the kidneys) we are scared because of the grand scheme of it all.  Nobody wants to hand their baby over for surgery. Heck, I’ve never even had surgery (not counting my wisdom teeth extraction). I will fully admit that this is scary. At the same time, fear is a terrible time waster. I’ve seen it ravage people’s lives. I will not stand for that. God — He is higher than us all and even higher than emotions or fear or anything else. Kim and Teona recently said that there are things that you cannot determine whether they are good or bad while you are “in” it. This was a conversation about the book “The Shack.” Sometimes the situation seems bad but it turns out to be a step in the direction of good. Only God can do that – turn bad into good. Perfect example, My Mom had to hand her little baby boy off to a surgeon more than once. So she can big time understand. So we’ll trust in Him – that there is good from this in the long-run.

~I am playing uh, 8 people on words with friends right now. It is hard. I am not winning many of the matches.

~I am working on the photo archive project still. I’m getting closer to being caught up like we’re talking I am to August 2009.

~Kurt and I are doing a little ancestry project too. That is pretty fun. Interesting information. More to come on that.

Edited to add:

~bought a new car. 2007 Honda Accord Hybrid

I love Real Simple magazine. Fortunately, I got a subscription for a steal on Amazon-dot-com. Get this, it was only $5 for the whole year! (One mag off the supermarket rack costs $4.50, yikes)

In January, Sania Vucetaj a renowned eyebrow expert was in the mag and also on The Today Show. Pair the love of the mag with my love of The Today Show and I got a message sent out loud and clear. “You usually don’t need to remove much,” notes Vucetaj. So my secret revelation was I should let my brows have a break from plucking (except for he outliers -they need to go). Then I can ensure my arches and edges are correctly in line with her system.

Here is the “How-To” in case you were wondering or need help.

There are loads f other how-to’s on the site. (One old fave of mine is t-shirt folding).

Ch-ch-ch-check ‘em out… you MIGHT learn something awesome.

It should be noted that they do not have a bank of payphones at Metro Pointe. However, it is unknown whether they are pager-friendly or not.

Baby hats are sometimes very cute.

Yeah, I bought a Macramé plant hanger. Yep, and I put a plant in it. Uh-huh, and I hung it in my house. Believe it or not, it is cool an I like it. It turns out all the hooks in my 1970’s house were meant for this purpose.

I bought this little hot/cold water bag for future boo-boo situations. I hope Peter will appreciate its awesomeness.

This is right after one of our walks last week. His smile is pretty great.

I almost bought a “real” one of these the other day at The Container Store. I wasn’t sure about the size and fit of the plastic one from The Container Store. So I decided t make my own out of the cardboard flats from Peter’s food. It was super easy, a perfect fit and free.

Star Wars T-shirt… Daddy is so proud!

We spent Valentine’s Day at Disneyland. It was super fun to be able to go run around like daters (without a stroller). I love Valentine’s day because I love pink, red, hearts, love, flowers, chocolates, and all it brings. We saw a couple of ladies on treasure hunts (engagements?) – that is a fun idea for sure.

Sweetie Peter.

When I was in 1st Grade the principle called me into her office. She said that I wasn’t in trouble. She just wanted to discuss something with me. I remember she talked to me about my friends and how my friends treated each other on the playground. She talked to me, and finally asked me, “Are you a leader or a follower”? Pause the story.

I am 31 years old. This happened when I was 6 years old. I do not know why but lately I have thought about that meeting with her so many years ago. So today, rather than letting it bother me, I called my Mom to ask her what she remembered. What she told me was not at all how my memory had framed the scene.

I remembered the principle’s conversation with me to be along the lines of ‘don’t let your friends be bossy to you’ or something like that. I thought she was giving me a pep talk to tell me its okay to be myself. I felt that she was trying to encourage me. Overall, I had processed the message of the conversation to mean that ‘you are a follower, stop that, be a leader.’

My Mom clarified that the principle witnessed me sticking up for some kids that were being taunted by the group. They were younger and different than me and my friends. I knew that it was not kind to tease and I told my friends so. Upon seeing this, the principle called my Mom to ask if she could talk to me about it. My Mom agreed and that’s how the chat happened.

It turns out that the principle was trying to encourage me. She did tell me its okay to be myself. I just got the wrong overall message. The principle was not calling me a follower, she was calling me a leader. She saw that I had a natural ability to see right from wrong and do something to affect change in my peers. My Mom said that the principle complemented me on my self-esteem and how I did not blindly follow the group.

As a child I had an over-arching sense of feeling, “I am different,” “less than,” and “not good enough.” This was not a message sent from my family or friends or anyone who cared about me. That message was sent by other kids’ parents and kids in my class. In my private school in HB and even at church, as a little girl, I was acutely aware of socioeconomic status and where my family (and therefore I) ranked. I know now that in my mind I linked the conversation with the principle to that financial thing. Nope, wrong.

All these years later, I realize that I let an old memory follow me and hurt me and I had it wrong.

I am a leader.
I can be proud of who I am.
I am different, and that is good.
I am good enough.
I am blessed, to be a blessing.

There are lessons to be learned from this:

First, if you are carrying something around in your head….call it out. Talk about it. Think about it. Depending on your what your thing is, maybe you need to talk to your mom/dad, spouse, friend, or professional therapist about it. But do it. Because you are in charge of your thoughts and you shape your own perspective.

Second, if you are a person who makes others feel “less than” or “not good enough” please stop that. Look into yourself to see where that is coming from and fix that. If you don’t lift people up, don’t bother to talk. It’s a really good idea to remember the Golden Rule.

Third:
You are a leader.
You can be proud of who you are.
You are different, and that is good.
You are good enough.
You are blessed, to be a blessing.

Since Thanksgiving’s incident Tiger was silent. He was privately seeking help and therapy. Him and his family were working on things.
That is great. He messed up, he knows it. Everyone knows it. Why try to dig into or discuss it further? Until today. He addressed it head-on with his apology speech.

Say what you will about the speech…whether you think it was sincere, insincere, over-rehearsed or natural… It was a great speech.

Now, the Communications side of me wishes I were in school so I could do a rhetorical analysis of the speech itself. It’s verbal and non-verbal messages (for example: the hugs before walking out, the setup of the room, the closeness of the audience, the audience make-up of friends/family/sponsors/PGA people/celebrities) were spectacular. That was one that will be famous forever.

Sidenote: Part of his speech reminded me of Absolutely Fabulous, when Eddie says to Saffy, “I’m Buddhist darling…I chanted for all these lovely things.”

Monday
We had a lovely outing with Grammie Sharon on Monday down on 2nd Street.

Tuesday
Overslept and missed MOPS.

Wednesday
I went to work again. It was great to be back.

Thursday
Pretty much a normal day at home. Then late afternoon, I got a migraine. It went away after dinner. Whew.

Friday
So far…so good. Early rise mornings=long naps. Our excitement for weekend is increasing by the minute.

There are so many Canadians to love. Often times, Americans take these Canadian treasures for granted thinking that they are American but they aren’t. For example: Jim Carrey, or Phil Hartman.

My favorite Canadian is of course Michael Bublé.
Je préfère la canadienne-française Céline Dion.

What Canadian person do you like?

The following is an actual conversation and then a mental stream of consciousness I had today.

I looked at Peter who was sitting up (all on his own)  and he was looking at me. He smiled big when I looked at him. I said, “If you could have a million percent, that is how much I love you. But percent can only be to  100. I just love you soooo much.”

Hmm. So many people say they will “give 110%”. Or at least that they are encouraged to give 110%. They talk about 110% like it is a possibility.  It isn’t. In French, “cent” means hundred. Probably goes back to Latin really. Don’t people know that? Why do they even say it? Maybe because they are just trying to show they will try. Try to accomplish the impossible. Or just that they’ll try hard. Well okay.

Later on, I asked Kurt if I was mathematically sound. We had a long conversation about it all. We went back and forth with hypothetical scenarios and ideas. That’s how we have fun sometimes. So, it is mathematically accurate because numbers are infinite, and so forth…  However, to explain human effort and maximums percentages over one-hundred does not always make sense.

That led to Kurt and I making some jokes….

~That’s my 2% of a dollar.

~A 1% of a dollar for your thoughts?

1. Aren’t cinnamon rolls a great way to start a weekend day?

(Note: picture was taken prior to sugary glaze application)

2. I love coffee.

3. Here is us at UCLA last Tuesday. Well, not us, just the patient. The patient demonstrated good patience.

4. Sometimes he gets warm whilst drinking his bottle. his leads to sweaty head. This night, we (poorly) documented what sweaty hair can look like. Isn’t it cute how he is focused on his hand and a tad cross-eyed?

5. We witnessed the closure of the great PCH (southbound) in HB by Cal Trans. It was closed due to the “Surf City Marathon (Half and 5k).” The next morning, the rain subsided and the race was in full effect. We walked down and did the spectator thing. It was awe inspiring for me, to be sure. I hope that someday I can  be a participant. If my plans work out, perchance I will be next year. I saw several people I know running (or walking). It was cool to see so many people with the same goal… to finish! (I know that many of them have sub-goals of finishing within a certain time frame too.)

6. The rain produced this rainbow. It was glorious.

7. My Mom is the kind of Grandma that every kid should have.

Parents and Grandparents are supposed to introduce kids to the world. The whole world, not just a tiny corner. While there is NO nutritional value in these they are cheery and they make life silly and unusual.

8. Here is Peter eating a tiny slice of tomato. Kurt is holding him and wearing his “lime in the coconut” shirt. (Hindsight proved that we should not have given him the tomato that or the 1st veggie puff wheel that night at dinner or the slight sun exposure which led to his porcelain skin getting a little red. He was a tad barfy from it all.)

9. I am an emotional eater. We have been on an emotional roller coaster for one year now in regard to Peter’s health. I shan’t take you down the path of the ups and downs in detail. Suffice to say a lack of saying no (and stress, job transition, the holidays) to food and specifically desserts is what “done me in” in the parlance of Eliza Doolittle. I have a top secret operation I have enacted which will hopefully do the trick. I will not falter.

Here is Peter, my small companion, going on a long walk with me today.

10. Here is Peter with his friend. We call him Bathduck or Ducky. Peter loves him.